[identity profile] sakuraberries.livejournal.com posting in [community profile] theogrehums





 

Let's get this out in the open quickly: I have a thing for relationships with an age difference. I'm not one of those people who will say, "Eww, he's, like, her dad's age!" I'm one of those people who will say, "That is so hot romantic." Okay, I like the whole "forbidden" aspect of it, I suppose. And there is that whole thing about older men being more mature, more handsome, more sensible - I myself have never had a strong attraction to a man who wasn't at least ten years older than me. It's a curse, of course, because I can never really do anything about it (although that's because these older men are usually teachers >.>). But still, I really like relationships with age differences, so long as both parties are consenting, of course (and it is ridiculous to call the older man a pedophile - I don't get why people do that.  So long as his partner is of age and consenting, he can be old enough to be her grandfather for all I care, if they're both happy.  Sure, it would be out of the ordinary, but no need to be judgmental.)

Therefore, I was naturally drawn to Uther/Morgana. I didn't, however, start shipping them until I had a dream of the pair having sex in Uther's bedchambers. >.> I'm not sure what brought that on, but the dream was rather vivid and detailed, as my dreams tend to be, and so since then I've been a hardcore Uther/Morgana shipper. It doesn't hurt that Anthony Stewart Head and Katie McGrath are both very pretty people who look awesome together.

Then we get to the bit about Uther and Morgana being father and daughter. Well, yes, I suppose that makes this "very sick and wrong" but hey, it's medieval times, no? Didn't people like, marry their siblings back then or something? However, at first as I was going to ignore this little tidbit that the writers sprang up on us so randomly because, well, WTF? I mean, that was essentially my reaction, and making Morgana Uther's daughter to me seemed to be just a means to an end, a deus ex machina if you will, so that Morgana could declare her right to be Queen instead of just...oh, wait, the writers didn't really have another plan, so they came up with this one! Anyway, so I was all set to banish this from my mind and pretend Morgana was simply his guardian, but then an idea for a fic started to develop in my sick little mind, where Uther sleeps with Morgana despite knowing that she is his daughter, and that is really why she wants to kill him when she finds out (because otherwise her reaction is nonsensical). For the sake of this fanmix, I don't believe I was thinking of Morgana and Uther as father and daughter, but I don't think it really matters here anyway. Maybe if I ever get to writing that fanfic...

Oh, but come on, they do not behave like father and daughter! Uther certainly does not treat her like he's her father; he treats her like she's his consort or something! I mean, the way he looks at her, kisses her hands, holds her, all that sexual tension...I just...he does not in any way behave like a parental figure related to Morgana by blood. Father, my ass. Also, throughout this fanmix, you might see references to a "personal fanon" of mine, in which Uther and Morgana totally were lovers.

Finally, I was really surprised when I couldn't find any other Uther/Morgana fanmix on [livejournal.com profile] merlin_tv . It can't be that obscure of a pairing, can it? If there are any other Uther/Morgana shippers out there, holler, I'd love to say hello! [livejournal.com profile] kingandward is just what I was looking for, thanks, [livejournal.com profile] nikkidarling . I can't believe I never came across it before. But then, I fail very much at LJ-searching.


Anais Mitchell - Epic II (ft. Justin Vernon)
Heavy and hard is the heart of the king
King of iron, king of steel
The heart of the king loves everything
Like the hammer loves the nail
But the heart of a man is a simple one
Small and soft, flesh and blood
And all that it loves is a woman
A woman is all that it loves
And Hades is king of the scythe and the sword
He covers the world in the color of rust
He scrapes the sky and scars the earth
And he comes down heavy and hard on us
But even that hardest of hearts, unhardened
Suddenly when he saw her there


And so it begins! Everyone in the series knows it and has said it out loud: Uther has a huge blind spot when it comes to Morgana. Yes, when she defies him he can lock her up in a dungeon, but he also would never think the worst of her until he had irrefutable proof shoved under his nose (and he did, in the season finale). He trusts her implicitly. He's not above using magic to save her life. And Morgana, poor confused thing that she was, thought he would kill her if he found out she was magic. That's a laugh. I never for a second believed Uther would kill her - perhaps keep a closer watch on her, but kill her? Do anything to harm Morgana? No. I am fully convinced that if he meets her in the future, even after all she's done, he would be unable to kill her.


Kristin Andreassen - Crayola Doesn't Make a Color For Your Eyes

There's no way I can capture the way you make me feel.
One look from you is rapture, whether blue or green or teal.
No color qualifies, that crayon's telling lies
Crayola doesn't make a color for your eyes
There is no way that I could possibly describe you
Crayola doesn't make a color to draw my love


If you listen to this song you'll see that it is very, very fun and light-hearted. It's here mostly for my own amusement, because I'm constantly bewildered as to the color of Morgana's eyes (green one day, bright blue the other, etc). It's also here to remind us that Uther and Morgana did have a lighthearted, loving (and sexual, in my personal fanon) relationship at one point.


Florence + The Machine
There's a drumming noise inside my head
That starts when you're around
I swear that you could hear it
It makes such an all mighty sound

As I move my feet towards your body
I can hear this beat it fills my head up
and gets louder and louder
it fills my head up and gets louder and louder


I interpret this song as lust, lust, lust. Let's face it, Morgana is gorgeous, and Uther tries as hard as he can to quell his inappropriate feelings for her, but he cannot. The beating of his heart grows ever so loud as Morgana approaches, and no matter what he does, he cannot make his hard-on feelings go away.


Brian McFadden - Almost Here (ft. Delta Goodrem)
Bruised and battered by your words
Dazed and shattered how it hurts
Haven't I always loved you

But when I need you
You're almost here
And I know that's not enough
And when I'm with you
I'm close to tears
'cause your only almost here


I see this song as a dialogue between Uther and Morgana. He doesn't understand what seems to be driving her away from him, but she keeps repeating that he's never fully there for her. Uther tries, and he thinks he's doing his best, but he constantly lets Morgana down in so many ways, and she can't take it anymore.


James Blunt - You're Beautiful
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
I saw your face in a crowded place,
And I don't know what to do,
'Cause I'll never be with you.
You're beautiful. You're beautiful.
You're beautiful, it's true.
There must be an angel with a smile on her face,
When she thought up that I should be with you.
But it's time to face the truth,
I will never be with you.


This is self-explanatory. I don't really listen to James Blunt, but I thought this song (and the one of his I use later) was perfect for this situation. Morgana is beautiful, but Uther will never be with her, not in the way he really wants (there goes my personal fanon again).


Regina Spektor - Samson
You are my sweetest downfall
I loved you first, I loved you first


So...I guess this song is kind of cheating a bit, since the rest of the lyrics don't really fit in with the Uther/Morgana dynamic, but it's Regina Spektor and I love her and I love this song and those two lines I quoted are just perfect. Morgana does indeed become Uther's downfall - after she told him that he "cannot begin to know" how much she hated him, he sort of just...broke. I've never seen Uther will all the fight gone from him in such a way. Emotionally, Morgana was his downfall, and in the season finale Arthur did indeed hint that he may need to rule sooner than intended.


Bat For Lashes - What's a Girl to Do?
We walked arm in arm
But I didn't feel his touch
A desire I'd first tried to hide,
That tingling inside was gone
And when he asked me:
'do you still love me?'
I had to look away
I didn't want to tell him
That my heart grows colder with each day


I wasn't going to include this song initially, but then I listened to it and thought, "Ha! Perfect!" Isn't it? Look at it from Morgana's point of view, and I think it fits quite nicely. I guess this song would be sung just before Morgana decided to side with Morgause, and she's still...well, Morgana, and not the travesty the writers created. She's still a real, human girl with feelings of confusion and guilt, which is why she has to look away when Uther looks at her, even though her feelings for him are fading fast.


Skillet - Comatose
I hate feeling like this, I'm so tired of trying to fight this
I'm asleep and all I dream of is waking to you
Tell me that you will listen, your touch is what I'm missing
And the more I hide, I realize I'm slowly losing you
Comatose
I'll never wake up without an overdose
Of you

I don't wanna live, I don't wanna breathe
Unless I feel you next me
You take the pain I feel
Waking up to you never felt so real
I don't wanna sleep, I don't wanna dream
'Cause my dreams don't comfort me
The way you make me feel
Waking up to you never felt so real


I'm not too sure if I have a time frame for this song, but it's from Uther's point of view, and...I guess it's pretty self-explanatory? He wants Morgana in in his bed, in his life, in his head...he wants to see her, kiss her, love her, and he feels incomplete without her.


Lady Gaga - Bad Romance
I want your ugly
I want your disease
I want your everything
As long as it's free
I want your love
Love, love, love
I want your love
I want your drama
The touch of your hand

You and me could write a bad romance
Oh, caught in a bad romance
Oh, caught in a bad romance


Me and myself were arguing about whether or not to include this song. I'm not sure what I would say to explicate this with regards to Uther and Morgana's relationship, except that their relationship is indeed a bad romance. It's rocky and inappropriate and all over the place. I guess I would put it in Uther's point of view, insisting that he wants all of Morgana, the good and the bad. Yes, that works.


The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus - Your Guardian Angel
I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

'Cause you're my, you're my, my, my true love, my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
'Cause I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay, stay


Make way for my personal fanon again (in which Uther is not an ignorant moron): Uther feels that something is not right with Morgana. He knows she is displeased with him and he senses something wrong with her. This is his internal monologue; he is trying to silently tell her that he loves her and would protect her forever. He's begging her to please stop falling out of love with him because he couldn't handle it if she did, but she can't hear him, because he's too much of a coward to say these things out loud. And so she leaves.


AFI - Endlessly She Said
"I will wait for you," she said, "endlessly"
"I will wait for you." So spoke misery

I returned to you but found
My empty home


Again, self-explanatory. Not that Uther really thought Morgana had left of her own accord, there's that blind spot again. He thinks she was kidnapped, not that she lied and was consorting with the enemy. But it's a nice song.


The Killers - Romeo and Juliet
Juliet, the dice was loaded from the start
And I bet and you exploded in my heart
And I forget, I forget the movie song
When you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong, Juliet?

Juliet, when we made love you used to cry
You said I love you like the stars above, I'll love you till I die
There's a place for us, you know the movie song
When you gonna realize it was just that the time was wrong?


I have this song focusing on the age difference between Morgana and Uther, king and magic and betrayals aside. In this song, they are just two normal people who have a huge age difference between them - hence, "the time was wrong." They're in love, but they were born too far apart for it to really work properly (although I like to think the age difference isn't that great - back then people had kids young, so the age difference is probably only around 21-25 yrs, which really isn't that bad...I know a couple in RL who's making it work really well).


Brandon Flowers - Was It Something I Said?
Please, baby please, Valentina
Baby, you're the only thing I've got

Was it something that I said or did?
Was it something that I should have kept hid?
If you leave me hanging I don't know what I'll do
It doesn't matter who's wrong or right
In the clear of the blue moonlight
You got me on my knees
Valentina this is not like you


This is the song that got me started with this fanmix. Replace "Valentina" with "Morgana" and it's a winner. When Uther desperately asks Morgana, "Do you really hate me that much?" you can see that he is utterly mystified as to what he could have done to make her this way. Morgana's not exactly being very straight with him, as though he doesn't even deserve to know the details and inner workings of her mind, and Uther is just asking himself over and over again what he did.


Stars - Barricade
Trapped on the terraces, I looked at you and knew
You were the only thing that mattered
There was no one for me but you
In Harmony Street we beat a man
Just for standing there
I held my breath as I watched you swing
Then run your fingers through your hair

Oh, how could anyone not love the terrible things you do?
Oh, how could anyone not want to try and help you?
Oh, how could anyone not want to rip it all apart?
Oh, how could anyone not love your cold, black heart?

Meet me at the barricade
I'll be at the barricade
Meet me at the barricade
The love died, but the hate can't fade
I'll be at the barricade
The love died, but the hate can't fade


To me this song represents the fact that Uther will not stop loving Morgana, despite what she has done (and despite what the writers may do next season - after what they did with Morgana this season, they are officially dead to me). He's blind when it comes to her, and he loves her unconditionally. He'll take her as she is, accept her, and try to help her. As for the last stanza, I'm taking it literally - Morgana's love for Uther has faded, but her hatred of him is still there, and that is what will bring her back to him, for as they say, it is apathy that is the antithesis of love, not hate.


Damien Rice - The Animals Were Gone
I love your depression and I love your double chin
I love most everything you bring to this offering
Oh I know that I've left you
in places of despair
Oh I know that i love you
so please throw down your hair
at night I trip without you
and hope I don't wake up
'cause waking up without you
is like drinking from an empty cup


Again, this song says that Uther loves Morgana as she is, betrayal, murder, and all. After he's done some thinking while he's chained up in that dungeon, he's realized that the things he had done, which he thought were the right things to do at the time, may not have been so honorable. He realized that his actions have hurt her (because she loved him but she couldn't love him as a murdering tyrant, okay, that is my personal fanon), and hurt her badly, and he regrets it, because being without her is like "drinking from an empty cup."


Stars - In Our Bedroom After the War
She's gone
She left before you woke
As you ate last night
Neither of you spoke
Dishes, TV, bed
The dark was filled with dread
But at least the war is over

All the living are dead, and the dead are all living
The war is over and we are beginning


This is one of my favorite songs. Its melody is lovely - it's melancholy and nostalgic, but it's got such an uplifting tone to it. Now Morgana is gone for a second time, after her short reign as Queen of Camelot, and Uther wants her back...but at least Camelot and his son are safe.


James Blunt - Goodbye My Lover
Did I disappoint you or let you down?
Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown?
'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun

It may be over but it won't stop there,
I am here for you if you'd only care.
You touched my heart you touched my soul.
You changed my life and all my goals.
And love is blind and that I knew when,
My heart was blinded by you.
I've kissed your lips and held your head.
Shared your dreams and shared your bed.
I know you well, I know your smell.
I've been addicted to you.

And I still hold your hand in mine.
In mine when I'm asleep.
And I will bear my soul in time,
When I'm kneeling at your feet.
Goodbye my lover.
Goodbye my friend.
You have been the one.
You have been the one for me.


And so it ends. The Morgana Uther knew and loved so much is gone completely. How he wishes there were some remnants of the old Morgana remaining (I'm looking at you, Merlin writers), but he knows she is completely gone. And yet he still loves her. He'd take her back if she'd just come back, and he'd help her, and he'd better himself for her. But she is gone, and she is never coming back. And Uther must learn to make his peace with that.




Okay, so now, I know the point of a fanmix is to link people to the folder where all the aforementioned music is so that they can download it and hopefully enjoy said music. And I shall do that, as soon as somebody lets me in on how. I made accounts with MediaFire and MegaUpload, but it seems that I need to pay them in order to link you guys to a folder and not individual songs? I don't mind linking individual songs, and I will if there's no other choice, but if I'm being ignorant and someone would care to enlighten me on a more efficient way to do this, I would be very, very grateful. I was enlightened by [livejournal.com profile] narrativeliving . I just had to compress the files before uploading them. Therefore, you can now download the fanmix right HERE.

And now for the picspam, which was made with the intention that it would be inserted between the songs somehow, but I'm too OCD for that.  So here goes (my personal fanon might feature here too, by the way):




I believe this is when Gwen had just been dragged off to the dungeons for being a witch, way back when in 1x03. Of course, Morgana leaps to her defense and begs Uther to release her, but of course he will not. This is just one of the many instances where Uther lets her down (but it's good, because it shows he will not sacrifice his kingdom just for her), but you can see the guilt shining through the anger on his face (or at least, I can. or I imagine it there, whatever).



All right, now Gwen's father is imprisoned for use of sorcery. Morgana of course leaps to her best friend's defense once more (oh, how I miss the old you, Morgana), but she goes a little too far in her tirade to Uther. He threatens to lock her up and she responds defiantly, her nose high in the air, "You just try it." And so he does, and Morgana is locked in the dungeons for a night. This is where, I believe, her opinion of Uther is tarnished forever, and this is the reason she thinks that he would kill her if he knew she was magic. Of course, Uther would not have killed her for something that she could not help, and neither would he kill her for being rude to him, but he just wants to get her to learn to hold her tongue.



Morgana, being the impulsive girl that she is, has struck a deal to have someone kill the king, but she gets cold feet when Uther practically asks her to be his Queen. He proclaims his love for her, his trust for her, and his need for her (not how a father talks to a daughter, you guys). Realizing that she has made a huge mistake, Morgana warns Uther at the last minute that an assassin is right behind him, and then she proceeds to save Uther's life. This was one of my favorite episodes. It showed how far Morgana as a person is willing to go to stop Uther's so-called reign of terror, but it also showed that Morgana loves Uther, and that she is rash and indecisive. It was, in short, a realistic episode (especially given that, hey, no deus ex machina, Gwen's father really did die!).



Now I'm not actually sure which episode this is from - I think it's the one where Morgana was "kidnapped" by the Druids, but I'm not one hundred percent sure. Regardless, look at how relieved Uther is to have her back! And look at the way she looks at him, kind of like she's relieved to see him despite herself, no?



Morgana has just escaped from bandits or bounty hunters or whatever they were, but Gwen is still captive. She appeals to Uther to save her best friend, earnestly gazing at him with those beautiful eyes of hers, fully expecting him to come to her aid. But he disappoints her. Again.


The introduction of fake!Morgana. Uther drops everything and rushes to her, hugs her, kisses her hands, just holds her to make sure that she is really there, whole and standing unharmed before him.



Look at his face! Look how happy and relieved he is to have her back! And I know she's faking, but my personal fanon says that in that instant, Morgana wanted to be embraced by him. That expression on her face is real and instantaneous, before she gets the chance to go into evil mode. Her first, unconscious reaction to him is utter joy, because her subconscious remembers that it used to love him. Long-winded, am I not?



This is, I believe, after Morgana has just recovered from whatever she had after Merlin knocked her down a flight of stairs. She knows Uther is her father here and behind that fake smile she is already plotting to kill him personally. But just. Anthony Steward Head is so brilliant. He always manages to make it clear that he's head over heels for Morgana.



What the hell did she even tell him here, that she had a nightmare or something? The fact that she's in his bedchamber got my dirty mind acting up, and I like it when they hug, and Morgana's expression is just priceless since Merlin has just pwned her, all of which are reasons why I chose to include this scene (those, and, well, Morgana almost killed Uther. that's important too).



And here is Morgana being conniving and comforting Uther, assuring him that Arthur will return safely, knowing full well that an immortal army is on its way to beat the crap out of all of her former friends and family. I will never get over how utterly cold-hearted they made Morgana this season. It's just bad, lazy writing. Anyway, Uther is smitten as usual, and again treats her like she is his Queen Consort, not daughter.



The moment of truth! The sweet, sweet moment of truth. The first time I watched this scene, I was literally digging my fingernails into my cheeks and hyperventilating. Then I proceeded to watch the scene about nine more times. I didn't like that there was no revelation about Morgana's magic, but other than that the scene was perfect. Again I must acknowledge the brilliance of Anthony Stewart Head, and even Katie McGrath, who is not exactly the world's best actress, did a decent job here. Uther is at first utterly shocked, but then he just seems to deflate. All the fight leaves him and he simply hangs there limply between the two guards that are clutching him as Morgana is crowned Queen of Camelot, as Uther's daughter.



This scene made me sympathize with Uther more than any other. His cracking, hoarse voice as he asked Morgana if she really hated him that much made me feel for him so much. You could hear it in his tone, that he wanted her to say something different, that she was simply after power, or that she was doing it for Morguase, anything but that she was doing what she was doing to get back at him. Uther's heart was shattering into a million pieces as Morgana walked away, as though it was all he could do to stop himself from breaking down and sobbing.




FIN


I hope you enjoyed this! I know I sure did.

Date: 2010-12-23 03:21 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nikkidarling.livejournal.com
lsdfkhsdfkjhsgdf no time to look through all of this right now but you def want to go play over in [livejournal.com profile] kingandward!

I'LL BE BACK TO READ AND DOWNLOAD AND COMMENT WITH SOMETHING USEFUL.

Date: 2010-12-23 05:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] breyzyyin.livejournal.com
Oh wow...this fanmix and the thought you put behind it is really incredible! Great job! ♥ :D

Date: 2010-12-23 06:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] narrativeliving.livejournal.com
I DO NOT KNOW YOU. BUT I LOVE YOU. PLEASE JOIN ME IN THIS LOVE.
I agree with all your thoughts on Uther/Morgana. And I love your picspam, and I'm def. downloading the mix, and I hope to see you and your fic around kingandward. And if you ever want someone to squee with about this pairing, look me up!

Date: 2010-12-23 09:29 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] narrativeliving.livejournal.com
What OS are you using? Cause with Vista, if you have WinRar, and put all the songs in a folder and right click, you can get it into a .rar file that way. There's an option for "add to _____title of folder____.rar"
From there, you can upload it to Megaupload, sendspace, mediafire etc, etc.
/computer nerd.

Date: 2010-12-24 02:57 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] narrativeliving.livejournal.com
YAY!! I'm so glad that worked. I'm looking forward to listening to this tomorrow, especially the Stars and Bats for Lashes.

Date: 2010-12-23 07:03 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nasmadie.livejournal.com
I didn't like that there was no revelation about Morgana's magic
omg you're right!! I didn't think to that!!! :O

Date: 2010-12-29 05:47 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] nasmadie.livejournal.com
I think this tv show, even if interesting, has not been done properly! there are a lot of thinks that just don't seem "real"! I mean..for instance, Uther and Arthur,as you said, don't think about Morgana's behaviour....that's not normal!

Date: 2011-01-15 04:28 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] jchantilly.livejournal.com
Thank you so much for this. I greatly enjoyed reading the paragraphs along with the picspam.

Date: 2011-03-13 09:11 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] arien-elensar.livejournal.com
Amazing! I really enjoyed your take on things. And I think you're right; the writers treatment of Morgana, as well as other elements in season three, were just bad, lazy writing. I'm surprised considering it's probably written by a team of people. If there is just one person calling the shots, they need a reality check.

Date: 2011-05-21 12:12 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] thepuppeteer.livejournal.com
YES YES YES A MILLION TIMES YES!

Even though this spoiled like half of the show for me (lmao ) since I am still mid first season.

This post rocked!!! <3 PLEASE if you've found (and loved) other posts like this .. or maybe favorited some fanfics? Point me in the right direction???

Date: 2011-09-18 11:08 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yessikg.livejournal.com
This is so absolutely awesome!! I might use a few of these for a vid :)

Incest doesn't bother me (Supernatural is to blame :P) but I'm still so disappointed that the writers made them father and daughter. Maybe season 4 will be better in terms of writing? (I doubt it but I can always hope)

Date: 2011-09-19 12:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yessikg.livejournal.com
Sure thing :)

I'm just glad I actually started watching the show in season 3 and I didn't really how much of a train wreck it was until after I watched seasons 1 and 2

Date: 2011-09-19 12:36 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] yessikg.livejournal.com
realize (I can't spell apparently!)
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